Guest blog post by author Cris Ramos Greene
So you want to write a memoir? Good. The world needs to hear your story.
Creative nonfiction, or literary nonfiction, as memoirs are often categorized as, have experienced somewhat of a boom since the 1990s. Mega-hits like Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, Wild by Cheryl Strayed, Shrill by Lindy West, point to healthy popularity in the genre today.
Despite the growing interest in memoirs, when I began to research tips for my memoir Embrace That Girl, I ran into one very loud piece of advice from the literary world: only celebrities can sell memoirs. Don’t listen to that. Readers love to see themselves in a story. Your truth will have transferable experiences that resonate with readers!
As an author, I can say from personal experience, embarking on the pilgrimage of telling a heartfelt account of my own life was one of the best decisions I ever made. Whether you are doing this for yourself or if you intend to publish your story, it’s worth writing. Here are 5 helpful tips on how to make your memoir a story that works, resonates and will be personally fulfilling for you.
1. Decide what story you want to tell
Where do we begin? The hardest part for any memoir is deciding the story you want to tell and then sticking to it. Typically, most writers have reflected on their life and have something they’ve learned or experienced that they’re passionate about sharing with the world. That’s the perfect place to start. Go where your heart is taking you.
A quick lesson I learned early on when narrowing down my life into one particular story is this: My life, as interesting as it may be to me, is not ALL amazing material. Most of it should be left out in favor of sticking to what supports the story and the point of what you’re sharing.
2. Choose your anecdotes
Although you are the subject of this story, once you release your book into the world, it isn’t about you. It’s about the reader. So, you get to be discerning and intentional about which parts of your life to include that will inspire, educate and entertain, but most importantly, serve to pay off the point of your book.
Here’s an example, my book is based on my search for meaning and love during my twenties. For me, turning 30 was a momentous event. During this milestone I found myself sitting in a self-help seminar looking back at my twenties with a new lens. I knew that’s the story I wanted to tell. At 30, I could see those pivotal years with this brand new perspective that I’m the creator of my life and everything was chosen perfectly by me and for me. Once I knew that I went about the tough task of choosing exactly which parts of my twenties to include to support this very specific lesson.
In short, I cut the fat and created an outline. And if you want to tell a good story for your reader, you will need to do that too. Even though I narrowed my own story down to a decade, that’s still A LOT of material. I still had to go in and choose the most relevant, pressing and universal lessons from my twenties that supported the point of my book. This is so important because you want your story to feel tight and focused. If it isn’t, the reader will get bored.
3. Write your memoir like a novel
While a memoir is technically nonfiction, this isn’t reporting. It’s a thematic story you are retelling and it’s okay to re-imagine, cut out or rearrange certain elements to serve the story and the point of your book.
This is why the genre is SO exciting! You can be creative. Do not paint yourself in a corner. You may need to switch stuff around. It’s fine. Do it! This isn’t an autobiography, it’s a story. Worry less about chronology and more about the theme.
Second, keep it to your experience, please! It’s so easy to slip into the now older, wiser version of yourself and start giving advice vs telling us a story. Resist the urge no matter how much you want to. Although well-intentioned, it can come across as preachy.
Show, don’t tell. Here’s an example:
Tell: He never called me back, so there’s the lesson. When a guy acts uninterested, believe him.
Show: I stare at my phone waiting for a text, a call, anything. I’m practically praying to see those three little digital dots that let me know he got my message and he cares. After what seems like an eternity, I put the phone down. The screen lights up and I snatch it again hoping this is it. It’s not him. Am I foolish for wanting to believe he could change? Maybe. He never called.
You can feel the difference, right? Take your reader there.
4. Be consistent with your narrative voice and tenses
It goes without saying, for a memoir you’ll be writing in first person, which is a powerful way to take the reader through your personal journey. You get to tell your outer story (what happens in the world) and your inner processing of it.
Remaining consistent with tenses is the next most important thing to remember as you write! Here’s the advice I received from my editors: Stick to present tense. It’s far stronger for the reader to feel like they’re right there with you in the action NOW as it’s happening.
In my case, I open my story on my thirtieth birthday and then in chapter two take my readers back in time to when I was 23. I simply added the qualifier “7 years earlier,” and then from there, I’m back in the present, feeling each moment with the same tension I did when I experienced it. The readers are on my journey with me and the payoff is much more rewarding than if I had been narrating from that older voice. Let them get to experience your struggles and come out the other side with you.
5. Don’t blame people or use this as an opportunity to vent
A memoir is a story like any other. There will be tension, there may be betrayal, negative things happen… the tricky part is these are real people. I struggled with this when writing my memoir. The people-pleaser in me found it hard to share an experience that may paint anyone in a bad light, yet the storyteller in me knows the grit is what makes a book relatable and authentic.
First and foremost, I made this rule: I will not write about anyone or anything that I still have energy on. When we’re hurting or not over something, we won’t be able to hide that. And it doesn’t make for good writing either. Save that for your journal. Instead, I chose to focus on all the aspects of my life (negative and positive) that I could approach from a neutral space. Meaning, I was at peace and fully accepting of my part in it.
Most importantly though: You have the right to tell your story, period. Ultimately, you get to decide for yourself what feels right to share and how. It didn’t feel right for me to skip over important people and events that were central to the story and the powerful lessons I wanted to convey. And yet, as my personal moral code, I don’t believe in trashing anyone, especially without their consent. These guidelines worked for me, but in the end, you are the author of your story.
When it came time to write about those sensitive topics, I chose to change names, physical attributes and glaring details. Most importantly, I stuck to my experience. I conveyed feeling betrayed or hurt by showing how that affected me, and then I let the fictionalized elements of the story support painting the full picture for the reader.
To close, I chose not to make anyone a villain. My ultimate goal was to be accountable and empowered by all the events in my life. Real-life (and storytelling) is far more powerful as the author of your circumstance.
Writing a memoir can be overwhelming. Relax those shoulders and breathe. This can also be fun! And remember: we are all far more connected than we know. There are fundamental needs and desires we all have. By sharing your story, you will awaken something in your reader even if their life looks completely different than yours. That’s the power of telling your story.
About the Author
Cris Ramos Greene is a Spanish-American writer and author of Embrace That Girl. In her debut memoir, Cris tells the heartfelt and humorous story of navigating adulthood and searching for meaning and love in Miami. You can find her memoir here. When she isn’t working on her next book, she’s hiking or hanging with her husband and her pup in their cozy Smoky Mountain town. Follow Cris on Instagram and sign up for her monthly newsletter here.
